My Last Breath
by Sanne-san
Summary: Evanescence songfic from Laam's POV


Disclaimer: The song is by Evanescence, and Mineko Ohkami owns Dragon Knights.

Warnings: Character death, angst and no happy endings; Laam may be OOC, but then again, who'd be able to tell?

My Last Breath

I cry out in pain as the claws slice through my flesh, and clutching at the fatal wounds uselessly, I try but fail to keep my feet. Not content to have me on my knees, gravity pulls me all the way to the ground, jarring the lacerations and sending new waves of pain through my body. I am only allowed a few moments to adjust this new the pain before something moves me, lighting all my nerves on fire once again. Once the pain dulls enough that I can open my eyes, through the haze I can see that it's Gil cradling me in his lap.

_Hold on to me love  
__You know I can't stay long_

"Gil..." I start, but the rest is lost in a hiss of pain; talking apparently hurts more than I thought it would. I can feel my blood pouring through my weak attempts to hold the wounds closed. I'm sure Shydeman is pleased with himself over the irony of the situation: the demon made an outcast by his kindness struck down by the very stray he took in. But I have other things to worry about right now. Bracing myself for the effort, I try to speak again.

_All I wanted to say was  
__I love you and I'm not afraid_

"Oh, Gil... I'm so sorry..." I try to look at him through the red haze over my vision. "You don't deserve... any of this... It's not your fault..." A coughing fit overcame me, forcing me to pause. Between the racking coughs and the subsequent pain, it was several moments before I could attempt to talk again. "I don't blame you... Gil... None of this..." A few more coughs. "None of it's your fault..." It's only now that I notice how still Gil's been through all of this.

_Can you hear me  
__Can you feel me in your arms_

My vision clears enough that I can actually see him, and I understand why he's been so quiet. Though he's looking in my direction he stares at nothing; whatever spell Shyrendora used to make him attack me must have expired, leaving Gil in shock with consequences. Silently I curse the twins, but Gil is more important. I draw in a shallow breath while trying to think of something --anything-- I could use to bring him back.

_Holding my last breath  
__Safe inside myself  
__Are all my thoughts of you  
__Sweet raptured light  
__It ends here tonight_

"Hey, Gil.... Do you remember... that day I took you out... into the snow?" I ask, not really expecting an answer. Many times before, when he'd wake from nightmares I'd talk to him to calm him down and bring him back to the world. "It was a beautiful day... wasn't it? Everything was covered... in a blanket of new fallen snow..." I close my eyes and smile at the memory.

_I'll miss the winter  
__A world of fragile things_

Somehow I had managed to get us both outside the castle. It had snowed the night before, but the woods we went to were seldom visited, so the snow remained untouched.  
"You seemed to have... so much fun... As if you'd never seen... snow before..."  
I remember watching Gil chasing snowflakes, bounding in and out of snow drifts. It struck me then how much effect Shyrendora's spell had on him. Just how fragile it made him...

_Look for me in the white forest  
__Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)_

"Do you remember...? We chased each other... through the woods... around the trees..." I smile again. "I threw some... snowballs at you.... and you pounced on me... quite a few times... if I recall...." It was a happy memory to be sure, but I couldn't help but be saddened at how a single spell, and the subsequent ill treatment, had reduced someone with such a fiery spirit to roughly the level of a whipped dog.

_I know you hear me  
__I can taste it in your tears_

Something makes a soft impact on my cheek, interrupting my inner musings. Opening my eyes, another tear fell from Gil's staring eye, and he starts shaking.  
"Gil..." Yet another fit of coughing interrupts me, but I struggle to keep them suppressed, knowing it's useless. No matter if I speak or not, Gil won't hear, _can't_ hear. Not now, when his mind's just beginning to try to come to terms with what he'd been forced to do. For the moment, I try to gather my waning strength to stave off the end for a bit longer.

_Holding my last breath  
__Safe inside myself  
__Are all my thoughts of you  
__Sweet raptured light  
__It ends here tonight_

An eye squeezed shut is all the warning I get before Gil clutches me closer, shaking his head in denial. Unable to keep my own eyes open, I do my best to suppress a hiss at the renewed physical pain as I'm also hit by another wave of sorrow. This is just another nightmare to add to his too long list, except now there will be no one to save him from it. Or any others, for it's only too easy for me to envision the horrors he went through before I took him in, and even easier to see them revisited once I'm gone.

_Closing your eyes to disappear  
__You pray your dreams will leave you here  
__But still you wake and know the truth  
__No one's there_

"Laam." Barely a whisper, but somehow I hear it. "Laam!" An unfamiliar voice calls my name; I make an effort to open my eyes. Looking up I see Gil, tears streaming down his face. "Laam!!" he cries again, clutching me closer still.  
"Gil..." I start in wonder, my breath failing me briefly in the new wave of pain. Gil freezes and stares at me, or I think he does; my vision is darkening rapidly. I smile faintly at him, and try to reach out to him, though the effort is almost too much. My fingers touch his cheek, brushing the scars and the tears. I draw in what little breath I can, knowing it is my last, and I try to give him my happiest smile, to reassure him. "You said... my name... Gil..."

_Say good night   
__Don't be afraid  
__Calling me, calling me as you fade to black_

My breath dies, my sight goes completely dark and the last of my strength fails; fingers briefly tracing scars as they fall.  
A breath of silence, then "LAAM!!!"  
I know no more.

AN: Bleah XP not as good as Tourniquet imho... but then I'm usually not satisfied with what I write. 'Course, I didn't have much help with this... glares at Gil Muse who's in charge of the angsty songfic stuffs  
Gil Muse: tries to look innocent What?


End file.
